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| Here's to good frenemies |
Let’s start with my continued frustration over the FanFavorite Vote.Look, I don’t mean to get all grassy knolly about Elenabeing in the lead, but she’s not just winning at this point, she’s running awaywith the damn thing! (She has 42 percent of the vote; the next closest,Melissa, has 19).
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| Suck it, haters! |
Has anyone gone all CSI on this shit? Has the StateDepartment been notified? Cause this is as shady as a voter ID law inPennsylvania.
But I digress:
It’s Win a Dream Date With Tim Gunn week, a.k.a. hometown visits. And while Iadmit nothing will ever top eventual winner Leanne doing a veritable rom-com montage withMr. Tim on a bicycle built for two, this is still a pretty weak showing.
We start out at the home of Christopher in Massapequa, LongIsland. (As an Oceanside girl myself, all I can say is: What up, Lawng Island?How yew doin’?)I always thought that Christopher had a slightly yiddishkeitintonation to his one-liners and now I know why: In Massapequa the Jews andItalians live and work as one.
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| Jewtalians! |
So Christopher’s print is inspired by his mother’s bunionsurgery or somethin, which is as weird and gross as it sounds.I like the bony print in abstract, but when he just plants askeleton of a foot on a skirt, I’m not so sure. (Is Put a Tibia On It the newPut a Bird On It? Discuss among yourselves.)
But he does have a stunning gown, a cool color palette, andthis one sort of impeccable coat dress thing.
Tim is fingering a leather mini skirt on his rack. (Heh heh. I said "fingering.")
“Oh, I destroyed that,” Christopher sighs. He thinks hisattempt to bleach the leather was a bust, but Tim says it adds an edgy elementof surprise. In fact, Tim thinks Christopher should treat all his leather thatway.As always, Tim’s advice is spot-on.
“You should feel great about where you are,” Tim says. “Younow have me extremely excited.”
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| Elena approves! |
Then, everyone—including Christopher’s mom and dad, his twosisters and his boyfriend—convenes on the couch for a chat and it reminds me somuch of the hometown visits on The Bachelor that I half expect Christopher’sdad to take Tim in the other room and ask him what his intentions are towardhis son.Also, did Christopher’s boyfriend get the short end of thestick or what? He barely had a speaking part—blink and you missed the poorshlub.
Next up, Fabio in NYC.
So Tim has a mixed reaction to Fabio’s collection.He likes the pastel tones (that makes one of us!) but isbaffled by a pair of pants that looks like long johns and Fabios’s clunkyplatform boots. “I’m baffled and confused,” Tim says. “It’s malarkey!” headds. (Or maybe that was Joe Biden; I was flipping back and forth to thedebate.)
Then everyone, including Fabio’s Brazilian mother and his boyfriend (who gets a lot more face time), sits on the couch and eats lunch. (If I had Tim Gunn overto my apartment and he was forced to eat lunch while balancing a paper plate onhis lap I would just die.)
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| Elena finds this "gauche" |
Next up: Jersey City for Dmitry. I could cry for poor Dmitry, who has no family, nogirlfriend, just an (admittedly sweet) friend’s apartment that he’s staying in.This ends up with a poignant final scene on the balcony withTim and Dmitry eating cookies out of a box and drinking tea. I swear, it’s likea scene from some depressing Russian art film. Anyway, Dmitry’s collection is all angles and cut-outs and very Power Bitch and,well, Dmitry. I really can’t stand his clothing, but I understand that what hedoes he does extremely well.
Finally, Melissa in San Francisco.
“It’s a reward in itself just to have Tim Gunn come to yourhouse,” Melissa says. Word.
Tim likes her collection, which is very her—in other words, mostly black andwhite, with tall collars.
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| If you ever have a chin zit, Melissa's collars have got you covered |
“You have an aura about you that says, I know what I’m doingand I stand behind this,” Tim says. Huh. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Then, because this hometown visit thing has basically beenlike a series of really bad home movies, the Project Runway producers attemptto “jazz things up” by having Melissa’s family take Tim on a boat. This probably seemed like a good idea at the time, excepteveryone’s hair is getting whipped around and you can barely hear the voicesover the wind. (This doesn’t apply to Tim, needless to say. His nattiness isimpervious to the elements.)
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| Elena would've worn a hat! |
Anyway,everyone is back in New York now, at the studio. As always, they will show a mini collection to the judges todetermine who will be moving on to Mercedes Fashion Week.
I love how they all assess each other’s collections,pretending to be curious/supportive, but secretly just hoping that theircollection is better. Melissa has her 85th crisis of conscience (5 more and shegets a free lunch!), when she decides that her collection is not as ambitiousas the guys’.
Christopher is freaking out because he can’t figure outwhich 3 pieces to show the judges. (Spoiler alert: He makes the wrong choices.)Fabio has stuck to his guns on the clunky boots. Infact, he’s doubled down, addingbrightly colored laces. He decides to call the boots “Bean” (debate confusionagain?)
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| Always good to keep a spare "design hat" on the table |
Runway time. The biggest WTF for me was Christopher’s collection.Why, oh why, did he not pull out his show-stopping gown?This is not a time to lay-up, hold your cards close to your vest.As Michael Kors said, “Today is the day, kids!”
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| Good call not to include this, Christopher |
Instead, Christopher gave us leather hotpants and verybasic, if cute, sportswear.
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| Look at your life, look at your choices |
Dmitry’s collection was made of fug, but very Dmitry.
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| The only thing uglier than Dmitry's designs is Dmitry's shirt |
Fabio’s collection looked like some weird cross betweenSouth Beach and the planet Xardar.
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| "Take me clubbing with your leader" |
Melissa’s collection was cool, in that I’d wear it, butboring in that I’d seen it before. And Nina was right. Cut those sleeves girl.(But LOVED the crinkly leather clutches. NEED ONE NAO.)
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| Which one of these is not like the others? Trick question: They're all the same! |
The assessment from the judges:
Fabio’s collection was cool, but needed to look more luxe.Melissa’s collection needed a wow moment.Dmitry’s styling needs a complete makeover. Christopher forgot that this was a "design" competition.
Basically, nobody was great. And so, by eachunderperforming, they ALL get to advance to Fashion Week. The most American ending of Project Runway EVER.
Two final, selfish thoughts:
Check out my new gig recapping Nashville over at Vulture, the coolest websiteon the planet.
If you can find it in your heart to send out a few positivevibes toward my beloved Os tonight, I’d be much obliged. We need all the mojowe can get.
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| Go Os!!! |
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