Do you ever get the sense that all the awesome stuff happens off camera?
This photo suggests that:
THIS photo confirms it:
Damn you, Project Runway editors!
Anyway, the Rockettes metaphor is apt for this episode because we Project Runway viewers all clasped arms and formeda virtual kickline after the show was over to celebrate Ven’s departure.
“Start spreading the news….Today was Ven’s episode to lose!”
Can I have a "Woo" followed by a "hoo"?
(By the way, I’ve never understood the appeal of a kickline.Why does a bunch of leggy women being able to kick in unison stir up such glee?I can’t dance a lick and even I could do a synchronized kick. I mean, whynot have all the Rockettescorrectly identify Botswana on a map? Now THAT would be impressive. . .)
Also, wanna see some real enthusiasm over some line dancing? Please, let me refer you to this (slightly NSFW) link. (H/T, Princess Rainbow Puke.)
So this week’s challenge is simple: Design a dress for theRockettes.
Dmitry is in Dmitry heaven. He’s been waiting all his lifefor this moment.
Elena has made a promise to herself that she’s not going tolet the competition get to her and be so stressed out. This lasts forapproximately 6 whole minutes as far as I can tell.
At Mood, Elena goes a little overbudget. And when I say alittle over budget, I mean the U.S. Secretary of Treasury is looking at Elenaand saying, “Girl, learn to balance a budget!” (Just a joke, people. Obama in2012!!!)
Her budget was $300 and she spent $450. No big whoop.
For reasons not totally made clear, Tim tells the final 7that they get to have a nice dinner on the town. (Now, if this was Top Chef,halfway through dinner Padma would inform them that they had to make thedinner, bus the tables, do the dishes, and redesign the restaurant. But no bait and switch here. Anactual leisurely dinner.)
Elena takes this time to apologize to Dmitry.
“I’m sorry I was a bitch to you sometimes,” she says. “I’musually really not like that.”
Can I say something to Elena, just between us girls?I’ve now watched approximately 810 minutes of you on my television screen. In those 810 minutes, you’vebeen a bitch for about 750 of them. It’s who you are. Own it.
That being said, Dmitry seems to accept her apology.
“It think it’s wine. Wine is working.”(I love Dmitry’s complete lack of articles. “The” is such anover-rated word in the American language.)
Next day, Tim comes to check on their progress.
Sometimes, I think Tim just says catch phrases so they can put outthe second edition of the talking Tim Gunn doll and/or turn it into a YouTubeautotune sensation.
“Bitchslap that bitch” (said to Fabio about his fabric NOT about Elena, BTW) isone of those moments.
Like everyone else, Tim falls in love with Christopher’s NewYork skyline dress but wishes it had stars. Christopher agrees, but unfortunately, doesn’t have thesequins to create a star effect.
And then Tim does something I didn’t even know Tim wasauthorized to do:He tells the designers they have $100 extra to go back toMood.
He claims it’s for the sake of all the designers, but I haveto say I think it was killing Tim that Christopher couldn’t do thetwinkle effect and he basicallymade up a new rule on the spot. Wonder if that $400 (3 designers stayed behind) came out ofhis pocket.
(Speaking of designers staying behind: You’ll NEVER guesswhich designer stayed behind because his dress was already perfect, his fabric choice exactly right, hisquantity of fabric impeccable, and his dress a surefire winner?) (Oh Ven... don't ever change.)
Anyway, runway time!
Debra Messing is the guest judge, somewhat curious in lightof her historically hideous wardrobe on Smash, brilliantly documented in thisVulture investigative report.
The most hilarious moment on the runway comes when Melissarealizes that a giant number one is emblazoned across her dress. How shecould’ve possibly missed this is beyond me. That thing wasn’t the least bitsubliminal. It was totally liminal.
 |
| Numbers 2-16 would follow |
(When Melissa laughed over her numerical monstrosity it mademe love her a little more, tho.)
The second most hilarious moment was the Debra Messing IsNot Amused Face that she wore when Elena’s dress came marching down the runway.Hopefully somebody screenshot that look of complete and utter disgust.
So Fabio is safe. I thought his dress looked like somethinga Rockette robot would wear, but whatevs.
So…in brief:
Sonjia’s dress was a “disco turkey.”Dmitry’s dress was a “exciting, polished, impeccably made.”Ven’s dress needed more drama, but Debra Messing kinda sortaliked it. (She, however, would wear it as a cape.)Melissa’s dress was more cigarette girl than Rockette and,uh, nice try with the giant subliminal number one there, missy.Christopher’s dress was stunning, “a Bob Mackie moment.”Elena’s dress is so busy it wants to “sing and dance on itsown.”
Backstage, Ven puts his arm around Elena, consoling her forher inevitable loss to him.
And the winner is ….Christopher!
Everyone else is declared safe.
It comes down to Ven against Elena and Ven is clearlythinking how insulting it is that he even has to be subjected to this bottom 2ritual and can they just eliminate Elena already so he can move onto his nextOrigami Rose creation?
And then—start spreading the news!—Ven is OUT.
And Elena looks like this:
And all of America looks like this:
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