There Will Be Blood: The Project Runway recap

Momboobs.com

 

Poor Gunnar’s mom.
Not moments after Gunnar said that if he won Project Runwayhe’d use the money to buy himself a pair of new boots and his mom a pair of newboobs (high concept new boutique alert!), did Tim Gunn announce thatspecial guests would be helping the designers with their textile challenge. And yep, those special guests were none other than family and loved ones,including . . . Gunnar’s mom. All of America immediately stared at her rack. (It's true. Shereally DOES need a boob job.) (JK, they looked perfectly fine.)
It’s always surreal to see the families, isn’t it? Project Runway is such astrange little self-contained ecosystem—it’s hard to imagine thedesigners living outside of Parsons and the Atlas Apartments, let alone having parents and loved ones.
Elena's mom is pretty. (But soooo skinny. Maybe she should mix in a pierogi from time to time?)

Ukrainian tourism photo

Dmitry’s BFF: Secretly in love with him? (Discuss amongyourselves.)

Makes up reasons to touch him

This episode is also notable for the return of Mondo! His first outfit is alarmingly subdued on the Mondo’sAwesomely Mondolicious Look of the Day ™ scale—a kind of Johnny Cash meets PeeWee Herman situation, but not to worry… things will pick up.
A few things about Mondo:
I love the fact that they had to create an entire season (Project RunwayAll-Stars) just to eradicate the mistake of picking Gretchen over him in Season 8.
Also, am I the only one who feels strangely proud andprotective of Mondo? I feel like he’s come so far since his season. He seems sopoised now, so self-possessed. It’s like he’s finally owning his ownfabulousness. 

Tim is proud, too

So yeah, it’s the textile challenge, which is probably themost effective of any of the PR product placement. Like, I’ve never oncethought, “Oh, I gotta get me to Lord & Taylor to buy accessories!” or “Isooo need that L’Oreal volumizing hair spray!” but when I seem them doodling awayon that HP Tablet, I get a little pang.

Awkwardly, they have to design with their mothers peeringover their shoulders. Just for the record: If my mother was peering over myshoulder as I wrote this recap, this recap would suck.

Universal "mom does not approve" face

The textile is supposed to express their heritage orbackground in some way.
Sonjia actually says, “Maybe black [should be my] prominentcolor. Because I’m black.” (Note to first time viewers: Usually, she’s a little more creative than that.)
Gunnar is doing a pattern based on the fact he was bulliedas a child. (It is sad beyond belief to me that when he looks at pictures ofhis childhood, all he can think about is the bullying he endured. Fuck you,bullies!).That being said, his dying bird/hand pattern is a tad. ..bewildering.
I must mishear Fabio, whose cute BF is his special loved one, because it sounds like he’s making histextile out of a series of penises and vaginas. Wouldn’t that be funny if itwere really true? *Headdesk*
Ven is doing something that will BLOW YOUR COLLECTIVE MINDS:He’s making a flower pattern! A flower! I know, crazy, right?

Anyway, off they go to Mood for notions and whatnots andhoozits. Elena is in a mom-powered good mood.“My mom brought happiness back to me. I’m not a bitch,usually,” she says.And to prove her point she FROLICS down the aisles of Mood. (Well, I’m convinced.) (Just a show of hands: Her runaway victory as the FanFavorite is the result of some sort of Ukrainian mob effort, right? Yeah, that’s whatI thought, too.)
Then the Most Wonderful Thing in the World happens in thestudio.Tim Gunn approaches Ven’s hibiscus flower dress and says,“I’ll be blunt. I see an homage to a menstrual cycle.”
(If sales of paper towels go up today it’s because every fanof Project Runway just did a spit take.)
And BTW, he’s not done yet:
“It looks like it soaked up blood,” he says. “I just hope noone’s offended by it. Because they look like Maxi Pads.”
Then he pats Ven on the arm and says, “Otherwise, great job!” (Not really.) Ha! Burn, Ven! *Points and laughs* *Saves episode to DVR*
So what else?Tim goes all Tim Gunn, Natty Psychiatrist on Gunnar and says his jacket looks like a “Don’t bully me suit of armor.”
He’s not able to accuse Elena’s jacket of looking likenursing scrubs, because she does it herself.
He helps mopey!Christopher pick between his two meh looks.
Finally, it's runway time.
The guest judges are Mondo and Anya!Love me some Anya. . .but every time I see her the side ofher head is shaved a little bit more. Next time I see her, she’ll be sportingthe “Full Savalas.” (Look it up, young readers.)
Anyway, Mondo let me down with his earlier outfit, but nottoday, my friends. Not today.
At first it seems relatively tame: A leopard-spotted shirt, fuchsiatie, baby blue linen jacket. Bold for some, but Mondo calls that a Tuesday. Then the camera pulls back to reveal….baby blue linen shortshorts to go with the jacket!Oh, Mondo! You have given me a Mondo’s AwesomelyMondolicious Look of the Day ™ after all.

Her head is shaved; his legs are not

So Elena—who actually managed to make something halfwaydecent with her scrubs fabric and Fabio, who made the most boring penis andvagina outfit in the history of penises and vaginas, are both safe.
Melissa, Dmitry, Gunnar, Christopher, Sonjia, and Ven remainon stage.
Melissa is first. The judges all dig how she broke from her comfort zone withthis “Park Avenue girl.”
Mondo wishes she had pushed herself even further. 

True fact: Melissa would not hang out with the girl who wears this dress

Then Ven, who has jettisoned the Menstrual Dress but now hasthe same dress he always makes—complete with fanning detail and 3D flower—getstotally whacked by the judges. “She looks like a Hawaiian airline hostess,” says MichaelKors.
They all love Dmitry’s jacket and its phenomenal slitdetail, but Anya wishes he had used more of the textile. (I actually disagreewith her on this: Dmitry’s use of the textile was pretty ingenious.)
Gunnar’s outfit, alas, is “not cool, not edgy, not modern”and looks like a “sheet of bird postage stamp.”
All together now: He put a bird on it!

Surprisingly intimidating for a man with two-tone hair and a woman in a bird jacket

Everyone loves Sonjia’s flare pants, especially Anya, whopraises her attention to detail.Squee! I knew my two favorite girls were going to love eachother.They totally need their own sitcom: 2 Dope Girls. (Are youlistening, CBS?)
Finally, everyone agrees that this is not Christopher’s besteffort.
Deliberation time. Heidi is confused about Ven’s continued use of the flowerpattern. “Can someone get Tim Gunn!” she says, in a royaldeclaration sort of way. Indeed, Tim Gunn emerges. (If I had one super power it wouldbe the ability to summon Tim Gunn at will.)
Tim explains that he was too overcome by Ven’s menstrualblood to warn him about using flowers again.
Anyhow, Dmitry wins!
Vodka for everyone!
And. . .sigh. . .sweetie-pie Gunnar goes home. Oh well. At least he and Christopher are on good terms atthe end. They even hug.
And don’t feel too bad for Gunnar, as his name is stillGUNNAR DEATHERAGE.  So he basicallywins at life.